Born @ 27 weeks
2lbs 7oz

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Words You NEVER Want To Hear

"I think I don’t love you"….

Said from the mouth of my 3.5 year old babe.

It is a moment frozen in time, one you cannot take back, one that will not easily be forgotten.

I’m not naïve. I know these words are floating out there, eagerly looking to attach themselves to the power they carry. Like daggers, I knew they would find their way to my sons’ mouths… (My parents probably wished it on me, after all the trouble I gave them!)  :)

Nevertheless, I wasn't ready.

As soon as the words were uttered, my sweet, tender son, visibly saw my heart sink. My body laguage alone and teary eyes showed the pain. Within seconds, he recovered with, “I think I love you, Mommy.” 

Not quite the redemption I was looking for, but again testing his words to see the weight that they carry.

I know children play with words and their power. I know they are learning reactions and consequence. I know he loves me and would never want to hurt me - or anyone (well, maybe his brother on occasion).  I KNOW – but for a fraction of a second (and the two hours that followed after he was tucked in fast asleep), my heart was broken.

Is it because I love him so much that I just can’t bare the negative feelings? Is it feeling like I may be 'messing up' somehow for him to feel this way?

Whatever it was, it hurt – and I wasn’t ready for it.

I know I need to develop some tougher skin for the years to come. Moms reading this with teenagers or grandmothers are probably giggling, thinking, "She has no idea what is to come!". But they were all here, too, at one point. That first glimpse that your little world with your wee ones can be hurtful. 

Nash has never brought it up again and while I was aching on the inside, I tried hard not to react or make it a big deal. 

To my Mom, her Mom my Mother-in-law, the grandmothers... to all those woman that have wiped so many of our bums, cleaned poop off the walls, have been thrown up on, sat by the phone waiting for a call (or to come home in the middle of the night), have been forgotten (even if only for a brief moment)... Thank you. The strength of a woman and especially a mother leaves me breathless at times. This was one of those.

Happy Belated Mother's Day.

Celebrating Mother's Day Brunch with beignets & Napoleans at Georges

"Nash, lean over and give your brother a kiss."   REALLY?

I am so lucky to be their Momma. 

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