Born @ 27 weeks
2lbs 7oz

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Fundamentals

During our stay in the NICU, a nurse flippantly said to me, "This experience will make or break a marriage".

At the time, I remember thinking, how this ridiculous statement would never apply to us.

As the year wore on, I saw the toll stress took on our marriage. We were sleep deprived, riveted with guilt, overwhelmed by anxiety and consumed with worry. Between both boys, the doctor appointments, sleepless nights, fear, alarms, research and worry there was not a lot left over for one other.

We were told that we would each handle trauma differently - to live one day at a time and focus on 'surviving' and to let all the little things go. We demanded very little of each other and respected our space. We're intuitive and faithful people, we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But there were definitely days of uncertainty.

A dear friend, Marjorie, stopped by last week. In tote, she brought the book, The Last Lecture. I read an excerpt today about how critical it is to 'know the fundamentals' in order to succeed at anything. It talks about building a base. I quote, "get the fundamentals and the fancy stuff will come later"

I feel this way about our marriage. Four years ago, we celebrated the most glorious, festive, special ceremony with close friends and family. Our foundation is based on faith and the certainty that we waited a long time to finally find one another. Our love was fairy tale-esque. Our first date was at church. We were engaged within 6 months. Our wedding cliffside with fireworks overhead. We have traveled the world together and have two beautiful boys!

It is the fundamentals - faith, trust, respect and love- That is what has carried us through this year, through the hard times, through the trauma.

So, back to basics.... We are leaving the boys and getting back to one another. Park City here we come!!! Skiing, snuggling, fires, snow shoeing, adult dinners, SLEEPING, more skiing!!!! Just the two of us! :)

Happy anniversary to my amazing husband!

1 comment:

Lucia Dawkins said...

it was truly a fairy tale wedding and I'm so glad I could be there to be a part of it. One thing for sure is I would not feel as close to you two if it were not for our special children. I am so blessed to have you in our lives to help us along our journey. I remember the day I called you from the hospital when Lucia was just a month old and you and michael told us a bit about the 'fundamentals' then. they still hold true- thank you. Have a wonderful time in UTAH!!!!! love, jules