Born @ 27 weeks
2lbs 7oz

Monday, October 15, 2012

Silent Night

I can't lie. Last year this time was hard - unbearable actually. We were approaching a year of not sleeping. Shaw napped in 15 minute increments and screamed most of the time. We rocked and cried and bounced and sang and shhhed and cried some more.

I remember thinking about Nash and what a luxury it was to go to him in the middle of the night when he was a few months old. I would turn on some lullabies and snuggle him so close. These were some of my favorite times together. It was so peaceful and my heart would be so full.

Last year, with Shaw, I couldn't find this feeling - the feeling of a Mom comforting her child. Going to bed wasn't peaceful and didn't last long. Shaw's lungs were strong and tireless. While I tried to remind myself to find gratitude that he could scream, I would be lying if i didn't say we often curled up in a ball of tears. Was he in pain? Did he need something we couldn't give him? We just didn't know.

We have come such a long way since that time last year. My heart spills over when I put Shaw to bed now. As he rests his head sweetly on my shoulder, I tend to sway to a slow dance - just he and I for a moment in time and it is so peaceful.

The last two nights, I've found myself singing Silent Night. (I know - way too early), but it takes me to such a place of gratitude and my heart fills so full. It just fills right.

As we wrapped up the family fun weekend, I opened my Bee Mighty email to find a sweet surprise, that also captures the holiday spirit. Our dear friends have created their holiday cards around Bee Mighty, with hopes to increase awareness. Such a generous, creative and selfless way to support us and this cause. We are so humbled and grateful. (We will just have to steal their idea!)

Shaw began to say Momma this week (and won't stop!) While he says things like avocado and alligator, Mama took some time.

Nash is really getting into Halloween (the apple doesn't fall from the tree) and will be celebrating his third birthday soon. While he still is busy sitting on his brother's head, instead of beside him, I did capture this sweet moment as we were driving home yesterday. This is what makes all the tough times worth it.

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