Born @ 27 weeks
2lbs 7oz

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Home Sweet Home

Sweet Baby Shaw is home and resting. He is on so many steroids, it is challenging to keep him settled. He literally sits in one place and will shake his head side to side 100 times because he doesn't know what to do with all the energy and drugs pumping through his little body. Most importantly, his breathing is under control.

We will continue weening him from the steroids and hope the inflammation doesn't rebound. Against my judgement, there will be lots of Diego and movies the next few days to instill 'being still'. (It's a good thing Shaw's favorite phrase is, "I wuv you... DIEGO!"

Our Otolarngologist informed us there will be another surgery in Shaw's future, as the scar tissue is growing back and likely will continue to do so, further obstructing his airway. We will have to wait until he is well (to not further irritate the source) and make some decisions.

As my old friend, Scarlett, once said, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

Michael and I seem to go into auto pilot during these hospital stays. There are no tears, a lot of anxiety and bickering. It is almost a defense mechanism. If I have learned anything, it is the importance of having an advocate for your loved one. Questioning medicines, unnecessary tests... The two of us are usually on such defense - grateful for our wise doctors, but simultaneously staying focused on what Shaw needs AND what we can avoid.

Once we are home, we exhale and talk about how we feel - and just how scared we really are. (I wonder if we keep these fears to ourselves until we KNOW we are out of the woods). Michael said his moment came when he dropped Shaw and I at the front door of the ER and I rushed through the doors, screaming, "He's having trouble breathing!" and were rushed to triage. He said as he parked the car, he took a moment and just sobbed. It is so scary.

It didn't hit me until I was in Nash's carpool line yesterday with all the other Moms. Kids were being ushered to their cars and everyone seemed so happy. Nash gave me the biggest hug, climbed into his seat. As we were pulling away, he asked me to roll down his window. He wanted to say goodbye to Ms. Nancy. Pulling away, I heard Nash yell, "Yay! Shaw's getting out of the hospital! We're going to get him right now!" And the tears ran.

I can hear my Dad's voice as I type this, "Things can always be worse, Candace" and I know he is right. But that doesn't mean we can't be scared.

Thank you for your prayers and kind words.

Also, please keep my dear friend, Mariah, who gave birth to two beautiful boys yesterday. They came at 34 weeks and will serve some time in the NICU. Prayers are with her and her husband and those little angels. Congratulations.

(And Kay, thanks for lunch today!)

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